101 Things To Do With A Flute
by JayneHope
Summary: Have you ever wondered what you could really do with your wornout old flute?  Well, here's a guide to help you...
1. 01 Through 100

_Disclaimer_: I don't own… Well, actually, I DO own a flute… Does there still need to be a disclaimer?

Well, my friend and I started this a long time ago when we got bored during a lunch period. We continued going on, and, three months later, came up with this list. I just found it while cleaning out my closet, so I thought I'd post it. Most of these are random things, but some are inside jokes. I'll take the time to explain all of them, including the inside jokes. 'Kay? Here it is:

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**101 Things To Do With A Flute**

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1.) **Write with it**: Attach a pencil inside the hollow part. Then it makes a really long pencil.

2.) **Use it as a baton**: Might be slightly off balance, but it will work nonetheless.

3.) **Smack people with it**: You could really get them messed up if you loosen all of the screws a bit first so that they protrude.

4.) **Use it as a mini pole vault**: Really mini.

5.) **Make cool imprints in clay**: You know that box of random things that some art teachers have for when you make clay things?

6.) **Mailbox post**: It might not be regulation height, but it will eventually work.

7.) **Car antenna**: You know, for the radio?

8.) **Halloween costume**: You can go as a flutist!

9.) **Fake tree**: Most people should be able to recognize it, though.

10.) **Use it as a drumstick**: A really long and metal one.

11.) **House support**: May not be the most stable one, but it will work nonetheless.

12.) **Hammer**: The flute might lose to the nail, though.

13.) **Ammunition**: Does anyone out there play javelin? Or, we can make a new gun that uses 3,000-dollar-a-piece bullets.

14.) **Melt down and turn into coins**: You know, like what they did with bells during wars, only instead of making guns, we make a few new coins?

15.) **Fencepost**: Dig a hole and stick it in the ground. Then nail a few bassoon-boards to it. Instant fence.

16.) **Halloween decoration**: You can decorate your house with these things, can't you?

17.) **Christmas tree ornament**: You may find it a little hard to hook it on, but it will eventually stay.

18.) **Basketball hoop post**: Not regulation height, but you're sure to make it in most of the time.

19.) **Give it to your younger sibling to amuse them**: They can do anything with it that they want without getting in trouble. Could get you out of a few weeks of band, too, while it gets fixed.

20.) **Wheel axle**: Pretty short, but you can use it.

21.) **Axe handle**: Get a pretty good blade, and you've got a singing axe!

22.) **Latter rung**: Do I need to explain this?

23.) **Trellis**: Bugs live in the flute, not in your grass!

24.) **Light post**: You might want to get a few of them together if you want a higher one, but it comes hollow for electrical wiring!

25.) **Water pipe**: Might want to look out for the other holes, though.

26.) **Birdhouse post**: Makes a great accompaniment for the birds' voices!

27.) **Dog chew toy**: Let Spot or whatever your dog's (or cat's) name is have some fun with instruments for a change!

28.) **Rake**: Get a few of them together, and you'll have a fun time raking your band director's yard for extra cash!

29.) **Lawn décor for the holidays**: You do always see those signs with the angels playing flutes…

30.) **Tree supporter**: For those little trees that cannot yet stand up to the wind.

31.) **Break glass with it**: You know all of those fire extinguisher cases that say something like 'In case of emergency, break glass'? Well, what if there's an emergency in the band room?

32.) **Knock fruit out of trees**: No longer shall you have to climb a tree to get that delicious fruit!

33.) **Straw**: Really, really, hard straw, but straw nonetheless.

34.) **Hit a piñata**: Goodbye, stick; hello, flute!

35.) **Throw and run**: In a really crowded area (say, school hallways) it makes a nice prank!

36.) **Baseball bat**: Home run!

37.) **Flag post**: You know, like the ones hanging off of everyone's walls?

38.) **Hockey stick**: Maybe only for juniors…

39.) **Javelin**: Throw it and see how far it goes.

40.) **Tent pole**: For those annoying weeks at band camp.

41.) **Play catch**: Throw it like a Frisbee and catch it like a baseball.

42.) **Clock hands**: You might want to use a piccolo if you want a smaller clock.

43.) **Fend off evil masterminds**: Okay, this one's an inside joke. My friend and I were sitting at the lunch table, being bored, so we were thinking up different ways to take over the school. It was well known between the two of us that I was the evil twin (thus this list), so my friend starts a story that goes something like this: I enter the band room with the intention of taking over. So the band director take out the book '101 Things To Do With A Flute' and looks for something to do. And viola, we have a new thing to add to the list!

44.) **Play fetch with a dog**: Dog not included with flute.

45.) **Throw it out the window**: See what happens.

46.) **Stapler extension**: Might take some practice, but it will eventually work.

47.) **Calculator**: Unfortunately, it only goes up so far, and it only adds or subtracts. But it does have more buttons than you have fingers!

48.) **Whack the person sitting in front of you so that they move their head**: One of my worst pet peeves during the school year. People who keep on moving their heads so that you can't see the board.

49.) **Walking stick**: For dwarves!

50.) **Expressing anger**: Swing it around, or let off steam by trying to flatten it.

51.) **Telescope**: Might not work, unless you add a few mirrors.

52.) **Chair**: Pretty narrow, but it will work.

53.) **Break it**: Annoy your band director.

54.) **Make a mosaic out of the broken pieces from number 53**: Shiny!

55.) **Door stop**: We made this one up because neither of us could ever get the band door to stay open, and with piles of books, it's pretty hard to open.

56.) **Needle**: Pretty big, but it should work if you sharpen it.

57.) **Stake**: For killing vampires with. Note: Only works with wooden flutes.

58.) **Spear**: For non-vampires.

59.) **Leg of a chair**: In case you lose one.

60.) **Leg of a table**: In case you lose one.

61.) **Leg of a human**: In case you lose one.

62.) **Alarm clock**: of course, you need someone else to wake up first to wake you up.

63.) **Blow your band director's eardrums out with**: My band director was always telling us flutes to stop playing so loud. We always do just the opposite.

64.) **Hangar**: You know, for your shirt.

65.) **Bird branch**: Or whatever you call that thing that the birds sit on.

66.) **Communicate with foreign musicians**: Do I need to explain this one? 'Cause I can't.

67.) **A way to join the bando squadron**: They probably won't let you in otherwise.

68.) **Computer extension cord**: it dies conduct electricity, right?

69.) **Ruler**: Each one is about two and a half feet long.

70.) **Leveler**: If it rolls, it isn't level.

71.) **Bunk bed rail**: for a really short bed.

72.) **Annoy your siblings:** Just keep on swinging it in front of their faces, and laugh at them whenever they flinch.

73.) **A way to get graduation credits**: Well, I've never known anyone to fail band…

74.) **Repair a hole in your blinds**: kinds heavy, though… And it doesn't pull up…

75.) **Insulation**: Not the best, but it works. Keeps the house cold.

76.) **Way to take up space**: Well, it does that on its own.

77.) **Bookmark**: Not recommended for hardback books.

78.) **Balance beam**: Really works on your balance, considering how narrow it is.

79.) **Stirrer**: You can use your flute to stir things up a bit.

80.) **Kill someone**: Shove it down their throat. Warning: Do not try this at home.

81.) **Weapon**: When you think about it, everything's a weapon.

82.) **Cook a hot dog**: Over a bonfire.

83.) **Destroy something.**

84.) **Use as dart**: A really heavy dart.

85.) **Snorkel**: You might want to plug up the extra holes.

86.) **Curling iron**: If you get it hot enough…

87.) **Arm extension**: When you need and extra arm.

88.) **Get revenge**: See numbers 80, 81, and 89.

89.) **Sneak up on someone and scare them**: Learn a really high note or scary tune.

90.) **Tape holder**: Because the teacher doesn't always have enough.

91.) **Fire poker**: To poke fires with.

92.) **Use as a paddle**: May or may not work.

93.) **Cat toy**: They like jumping after strange objects.

94.) **Use as a golf club**: You'll need really good aim, though.

95.) **Use as sword**: Just don't plan on entering any tournaments until you sharpen it.

96.) **Beat up someone.**

97.) **Make annoying sounds in an elevator**: Or you can perform for spare change...

98.) **Cut it in half**: So that you can share your flute!

99.) **Fake log**: I don't think many people would get it, though…

100.) **Shelf**: A really narrow shelf.

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_Note_: No flutes were harmed in the making of this list.

_Note_: Do not try any of these things at home.


	2. 101

101.) **Play it.**


End file.
